Guiness Book of World Records should be contacting me soon because I have to be the person with the smallest, near non-existence veins in the world.  Seriously. 

I dread going for blood tests because it’s always a big production.  One look at my arms and I can see the disappointment, the worry, the anxiety in the phlebotomist’s face.  It’s always the same.  They tap my veins, both arms, shake their head, and let out a deep sigh.  Geez, thanks for making me feel comfortable.  But then there are times when I get a really good phlebotomist.  One who knows what they’re doing.  One tap, in goes the needle, and done. 

On a recent trip to get my blood drawn, it took 3 nurses and 3 pokes in my arms for them to draw a teeny, tiny vial of blood.  Nurse A, a very nice lady, took a look at my arms and said, “Oh my, you have tiny veins.”  Yes, I know.  Then came the sigh and the furrowed brows.  She takes out a butterfly needle (one of the smaller needles).  Bless you.   And starts to tap my veins.  She locates one, but I advise her that I don’t think she’ll get any out of that one.  They’ve tried in the past to no avail.  She tries anyways.  Sigh.  In goes the needle.  Nothing.  She starts digging around.  Uh, ouch!  Nothing.  “You okay, sweetie?”  I nod my head.  Uh huh, but stop digging around.  She pulls the needle out, finally realizing there’s nothing there.  And the search goes on for a viable vein. 

She moves on to the next arm.  Taps around.  Then calls in Nurse B, a Ms. Know-it-all who doesn’t know it all.  She looks at the arm and taps around. 

Nurse A:  What do you think?

Nurse B:  Oh yea, there’s something there.

Nurse A:  You wanna give it a try?

Nurse B:  Sure.

Ummm, people…we’re not talking about trying on a pair of shoes here. 

I may not be a doctor or a phlebotomist, or even a nurse…but I seriously don’t see any veins there.  What are these people talking about????  But Nurse B is determined to go in.  But instead of taking out a butterfly needle, she uses a regular, full-size needle.  What are you doing, lady?  She pokes the needle in.  I squirm in pain.  She starts to dig around.  OUCH!!!  There’s no vein there!  This goes on for about a minute.  I let out a scream. Nurse B looks at me and says, “Are you okay?  Does it hurt?”  What the *bleep* do you think???   She pulls out the needle.  “I think we’ll have to send you to the lab”, says Nurse B.  You’re kidding me, right???  After all that?

As I’m getting ready to go, Nurse B says, “Oh maybe So-and-So can try.”  In comes Nurse C.  She looks at my arms.  Shakes her head.  And takes a look at my hands.  She ties an elastic on my wrist, tells me to make a fist, and out pops a vein. She takes a butterfly needle, pokes it in, and draws the blood.   Nurse A and Nurse B stands there watching in awe.  Thank you, thank you Ms. So-and-So.

Finally, done.  I walk out of the office with 3 huge bandages.  One on my left arm, one on my right arm, and one on my right hand.  I look like I was in a fight.  Why do they use bandages?  Why can’t they use a Band-Aid for that little pinhole?  **Sigh**

I don’t know how druggies do it.  Poking themselves over and over again.  But then again, maybe if I was a druggie…I’d have bigger veins.